not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
