shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
