Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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