That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
