Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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