So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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