My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
