$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
