dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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