I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
