Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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