Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
