i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
