Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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