is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
