I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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