roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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