Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
