I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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