I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
