Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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