Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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