with your own penis?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
