how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
