don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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