WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
