I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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