I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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