Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
