you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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