Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
