you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
