My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
