You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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