What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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