I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
