he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
