ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
