my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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