why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
