The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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