you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize