I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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