Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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