so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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