you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
