I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
