ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
