why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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