I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
