we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
