I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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