you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
