I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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