State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
