I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
