DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
