well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
