I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
