I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
why is half of my head shaved?
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