he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
