apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
